My Messy Storm Before The Calm

Why waiting until life is calm before writing about it is no longer an option for me. 

I’ve been berating myself lately for not writing, and worse, for not even knowing what to write about.

This lack of clarity has been based on the fact that the very topics I feel drawn to write about (life design and optimisation) are interesting to me but not topics I have personally mastered.

In fact, the gulf between where I want to be and where I am right now, feels so huge that I have felt entirely unqualified to write a ‘how to’ or advice piece. 

My blog Roosted is about these topics:

But pick a single one and look at my life through that lens in the last week or so? It isn’t so pretty.

My new home and financial situation are somewhat chaotic, I’m yet to settle into a routine and my body clock is out of whack, my work and writing projects lack focus and motivation, and personal relationships have taken a back seat.

This feeling causes anxiety, an imposter syndrome, who I am therefore to even have a blog on these topics?

I have been holding back and waiting, hoping, that soon I will be the kind of person who does have it ‘all figured out’ enough to share snippets of organised cupboards, well-crafted routine logged into my daily journal, and budgeting templates revealing orderly discipline.

It is this version of Ellen I have been hoping will materialise. I’ve been pinning my hopes on that when that when she’s ready to write, an audience who find her aspirational and interesting enough will follow.

However I write today to admit her failing.

She does not exist, and may not exist, for a long time.

Instead the person who does exist is me right now, and that version of me is learning.

Learning how being a first-time solo homeowner.

Learning that this is affecting me and taking over parts of my brain that used to be reserved for other things.

Learning that I’m not as tidy and organised as I thought I would be — my space is a visual reflection of this.

However I’m also learning that it was exactly this desire for control that was holding me back from doing the thing I most wanted to do — to write. This control was my own version of the Resistance, rearing it’s head again.

This fear of not being perfect, was preventing me from writing in my own blog.

So instead, my resolve is that rather than wait until I have perfect clarity, organisation and ‘sorted-ness’ in my life to share, I will instead document the journey.

The good, the bad and the ugly. 

Rather than seek perfection, I will seek incremental learning and growth, and transparency. 

No one has it all together. Definitely not me.

But let’s try sort some of this stuff out, one thing at a time. Who’s with me?

Your Roost

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